Today is the beginning of cycle number 2. Amazingly enough I was not upset that AF showed up. I guess that I was really expecting it. I'm waiting on a call from my doctor to see about getting some tests done this cycle. But I'm thinking of adding more tests to that list, which may make me skip a cycle or two. I guess in the long run it will not matter that much.
I'm having some concerns and questions about ttc at all. I just wonder if maybe it just is not meant to be. If God really does have a bigger hand in it all and I'm just not meant to carry children. I once felt that it all rested upon Him and His will. Now I'm not too sure that he really cares about the little things. I don't think He sits up in heaven and decides that one woman will be able to concieve and another unable. But what part He plays in it all I'm not sure.
So I don't know which way to go. Do I just continue on and if it doesn't work, then that was the way that it was meant to be. Or do I push for further testing and see what happens. Maybe nothing will happen and the end result will be the same. If only I had a big sign that would direct me.
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