I have let myself slip into a place of perpetual grieving. It took my husband being very blunt with me to realize that while I'm waiting on the day that I have a child of my own, I'm back to letting life pass me by. So while I begin to pack our belongings in order to start a new beginning, I'm thinking. I have come across things that cause me pain, things that make me wonder if I would have done things differently maybe things would have been better. I found our wedding glasses and unity candles today. It made me remember the fun that we had at our wedding and how quickly time has passed.
I ran across a mirror that I have had since I can remember. It had a unicorn on the front with a little white star. When you turned the knob in the back it made the mirror play 'Wish upon a star" and the little white star moved in a circle in front of the unicorn. I was thinking about throwing it out, I hadn't seen it in years. My husband (who I must say, I think he is secretly a hoarder) reminded me of the feeling that I had when I picked it up. It was a sense of wonder, hope and of dreams. I used to dream.
I haven't allowed myself to dream in quite a while. It seems like every time I start to dream something happens to crush it before it can become a reality. This is in all ways hinders the life that I live. I have become negative, doubtful and hopeless. I stopped dreaming because it seems so fruitless. In turn my lack of dreaming has made my life barren.
Maybe it is time to put my mirror back on my dresser, wind up the music and dream.
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